A Thing

I want to eat soap so it will burn my throat,
So I can feel the stinging pain,
As it slides right through me,
Will it clean the dirt from my mind?
Will it make me all better and clean again?

Will it help me find the real you?
I just want to feel something more,
So I can say I felt it,
Whether it is pleasure or pain,
I will know that it is real.

I can't always tell if I'm even real,
And I'm trying so hard,
Really I'm just grasping at straws,
Trying desperately to think of something,
But I just don't know what to do.

As I lay here dying, I am struggling,
To find even the smallest,
Most insignificant reason,
Why my life might be worth something,
For the life of me, I can't think of a thing.

Not even one single insignificant thing,
That makes the air I breathe worth taking in,
I am just worthless and useless,
And I only wanted to feel something,
One last time before the end.

If I could choke on my tears as I cry them,
I'd only be thinking of you,
And it's so awkward,
And it hurts me so fucking much,
When I drown all alone in this sadness.